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Seven Reimagined, A new view of an old story |
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SubRosa |
May 6 2018, 03:26 AM
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Ancient
Joined: 14-March 10
From: Between The Worlds
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A while ago I wrote Seven, which is set in Tamriel. Afterward I thought about adapting it to an original setting. I did a lot of world-building, remade the characters to fit the new world, and got started into translating the story over. I ran out of steam when I started looking at my over-arching direction, and started seeing some problems. The biggest one was that I had in mind a big High Fantasy story - an ancient race rising to destroy the world, champions rising from the dead, the army of light banding together to fight off evil, and so forth. The twist I planned to this standard format was that the protagonists were trying to stop the war, rather than win it. With finding a peace between all involved being the end goal, rather than destruction. But the story I was starting out with - Seven - is Low Fantasy (at least the way I define it). Farmers and mercenaries vs. bandits. Ordinary people, with ordinary problems. I like that, as it feels very accessible, and makes the characters, even the extraordinary ones, feel more relateable. So that made me want to continue in that vein, and do a series of stories about a pair of hired spells who are part mercenaries, part private detectives. Sort of like Spenser For Hire or Magnum P.I. with magic. That in turn meant scrapping the entire over-arching story. Or trying to bridge the gap between Low Fantasy and High Fantasy. It left me with a lot of questions, and I was not feeling excited about the answers. So I ended up setting it all aside. Instead of leaving it all collecting dust, I decided to post what I did finish up here. Maybe it will fire me up to get back to working on it again. People who have read Seven will recognize most of the main characters. Names have been changed in many cases. Some because the originals were Bethesda creations, others to suit the new races/languages. Speaking of which races and the like are entirely new, as is the geography, flora and fauna, how magic works etc... I will put some of that here in this post, and start the actual story in a second post. Let me know if you want to see more of the background notes, and I will put them in this post. This is a world mapThis is the continent of Aulerci, where most of the action takes placeAelaLoriaThe Stone Forest (IRL The Shilin Stone Forest outside of Kunming)Another example of karst landscapeAn Oro (IRL Orodromeus)A Crumhead (IRL Parasaurolophus)RL Troodon (the inspiration for the Teodon race)Troodon frontTroodon headAncient Rasen Armor (IRL Samnite bronze armor)Bronze lamellar armorBronze lamellar armor againVeia MapRasen streetRasen cityRasen apartment blockRasen-style architecturePhereinonPhereinon againMaledictionOwl ScreechingOwl CarvingServes CamnaWooden mugTamac (tomahawk)Raven pendantHrafngoelirHrafn's shieldHrafn's seaxVencaRasen bedroomRasen bedroom 2Rasen bedroom 3Lorcras armorHagalaz runeHorse-Powered Ferryboat 1Horse-Powered Ferryboat 2Spirecrown - Saurolophus AngustirostrisLambeosaurusParksosaurusOrnitholestesHadrosaurs 01Hadrosaurs 02OrodromeusGasparinisauraOuranosaurusMaiasauraTropical Milkweed BeetleTeodon Coloration (this is just what their scale colors look like, not actual representations of the characters) Alcheon's colorationDaehyun (a very common peasant coloration)Dark Eye (though his belly is not so brightly whiteSindeokBanyan treeDurian treeBromeliadsBamboo forestSolageaKye Rim GravesTeodon DokTeodon village houseTeodon village houseEarthen rampart, wall, and ditchcheavaux de friseShield Wall trainingFighting Moves Dark Eye's finishing move against DaesoPhereinon's belly to back suplex (German Suplex) that she used upon the Arvern Oathman of House CamnaHere is a link to Sindeok's killing move against Brown-ScalesMorte Strike and Half Sword Defense
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Replies
SubRosa |
Jul 28 2018, 04:38 PM
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Ancient
Joined: 14-March 10
From: Between The Worlds
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Acadian: Aela and Loria certainly agree that White-Hair would be perfect for their team. But can they recruit her? We will find a little more about the mystery regenerator this segment.
Chapter 5.3
Now there was only one man left on his feet, the Rasen in velvet whom White-Hair had originally crashed through the window with.
"You may really be the White Death," he growled. "But I don't care. Blood calls for blood."
Now it was his turn to advance upon White-Hair, holding his dagger in an under-handed grip. He kept one hand out before him to block, while the other held the knife at shoulder height, point always facing White-Hair. He moved in slowly and tried to circle her. But instead she cut him off, stepping directly into his line of advance.
White-Hair did not attack even then however. Instead she let him make the first blow. He stabbed, and she ducked under the dagger with lightning speed. She darted beside him and hooked one arm around his right shoulder. Continuing the motion, she swung her entire body up into the air and around his torso like a fulcrum. Her legs flew up above his head, while her own face dipped down toward the pavement. The Rasen was pulled off his feet by her momentum, and her legs locked around his neck as he toppled to the ground.
White-Hair retained the arm-bar on his dagger arm as they struck the ground, and rolled them onto his back, with her right side against the ground as well. This left her choking him with her legs, his weapon-arm pinioned helplessly.
She whispered something to the Rasen, too low to hear.
It was too low for mundane hearing at least. With barely a thought, Aela channeled mana into her ears. Suddenly even the slightest sounds reverberated through her skull. The breathing of Loria and the farmers was loud as thunder, as were the gasps of amazement from the crowd. The Arvern Witch concentrated on blocking the unwanted sounds out, and focused her attention directly upon White-Hair and the finely-dressed Rasen.
"Didn't you ever think it odd that every young, attractive woman in your father's service disappeared Sethre?" White-Hair asked. "Didn't you ever wonder where they went to?"
"The comings and goings of common-born maids are no concern of mine," the Rasen - now clearly Sethre Camna - gasped though the vise around his throat.
"Didn't you wonder about the book that is missing from your father's collection?" White-Hair continued to needle. "The one by Borellus?"
Aela caught her breath at that name. She had never taken much interest in the books in the restricted section of the Ingenium's library. She was much too busy with transforming her body from male to female. But that name stood out. His books were banned everywhere.
"Your dear brother Fanre was a necromancer." White-Hair spat the final word with more violence than any of her assaults upon the oathmen. "He murdered every woman he fancied. He reanimated them. Then he raped them, again and again."
"No, that can't be," the Rasen nobleman sputtered. Whether from the revelation, or the lack of air Aela was not certain. "That's impossible!"
"Your father knew all along." White-Hair continued. "He did nothing, until your brother kidnapped and murdered Hercna Ulthese. Yes, of House Ulthese. The others on the Captain's Council gave him the option of settling things quietly, before they stepped in. Since none of your oathmen would do the right thing, he turned to me."
"I don't believe you assassin!" Sethre swore.
"Then see for yourself," White-Hair insisted. "Go to the sub-basement. In the wine cellar, behind the third cask on the left, there is a secret door. Follow it, and see what your brother has been doing."
"No," the nobleman murmured. But Aela could see that the fight had gone out of him. Perhaps he now believed her. Or perhaps he was simply about to pass out.
"If you truly want justice, it has been served," White-Hair whispered. "Come after me again and I will kill you, your father, your uncles, your cousins, and every one of your family's retainers. Scorched earth, no survivors."
With that White-Hair released her hold upon the Rasen. His dagger clattered to the street, and he instantly reached for his throat with both hands, gasping for breath. The mystery woman rose to her feet, and did not even spare a glance at the crowd that had gathered in the street to gape at the incident. Instead she strode directly into the armorer's shop and disappeared from view. Sethre made no move to follow, or even rise to his feet. Neither did any of his oathmen, who groaned and winced in the street with disabling wounds.
"I wonder what she said to him at the end?" Vesia roared in Aela's ear.
Aela winced at the noise, and let the spell that had enhanced her hearing fizzle into the aether. She had forgotten that the others had not heard a word of the exchange. It was curious indeed, and made her think back to their recent deal with Serves Camna in a new light. He had ordered his own son's death to avoid a blood feud with another noble house, not to mention the ruination of his family's honor. She had imagined him like a wolf even before this revelation. Now she understood what he meant when he said that he had never been accused of kindness.
But there was no time for wool-gathering. Aela looked to Loria. As usual, the elf seemed to know what she was thinking. With a nod in silent reply, he sped after the mystery-woman. This was someone they wanted on their side in the fight to come. To say that she was skilled would be an understatement. Perhaps even more importantly she possessed the restraint to avoid killing when it was not necessary, even when she could easily have done so.
In the meantime Aela moved to the Rasen nobleman and his wounded men. If she could keep them occupied, that would give Loria enough time to talk to White-Hair and let her escape without further incident, hopefully in a quiet manner via by a rear exit.
"My lord," she began deferentially, "I am a healer. I can help you and your men."
Sethre Camna looked at her, then to the broken window of the shop. Clearly he was debating whether or not to give chase. Aela would have to help him decide, as diplomatically as possible.
"Your men have fought with valor." Aela moved quickly from one man to another, assessing their injuries both physically and in the aether. "You can take pride in their loyalty to you, and their willingness to endure any sacrifice for you and your House."
Aela settled upon the man whose injuries appeared the worst. It was the first oathman through the door, whose head the mysterious stranger had kicked in. His eyes were already dilated, and blood flowed freely down his face. She took hold of his broken helmet, and tried to gently remove it from his head. She made as great a show of this as she could, and looked to the nobleman.
"My lord, could you help me with this?"
That made up the Rasen's mind. He turned away from the armorer's shop - and his enemy within - and instead moved to help Aela with his fallen retainer. He knelt down in the street at her side, and held the oathman's battered head as Aela gingerly drew off his helmet. Blood and sweat dripped everywhere, and the Arvern tossed the wrecked spangenhelm aside.
"If you can just hold him still my lord, I can take care of him." Aela breathed. In reality he could have set the man's head down. But at least this kept the nobleman occupied.
Then Aela banished all thoughts of keeping Camna distracted from White-Hair. Instead she gave the injured man her full concentration. She took her time, and thread by thread, stitch by stitch, she reconstructed the fallen warrior's flesh and bone. She finished it off with a Cleanse spell to wash away the blood, and was gratified to see the swordsman's brown eyes fly open and stare up at her.
"What!" he jerked into a sitting position, and reached for sword and shield. "Where?"
"Easy Arte," the nobleman soothed. "The battle is over."
"Do we have justice my lord?" the oathman's eyes scanned the broken bodies of his comrades in the street.
"Justice?" Sethre Camna said. "That is now in the gods' hands. But we live to fight another day my friend. That is all that matters for now."
One by one, Aela moved to the remaining retainers and healed their injuries. When she tried to minister to Camna's own cuts and bruises, the Rasen nobleman simply shrugged her off. But he did pass her a bag of coins for her efforts, along with the thanks of his House.
Aela waited until he and his men had vanished before rejoining the Agrigentans. They parted when she approached, and she found Loria standing behind them. For once the Light Elf had remained out of sight, at least until Camna was gone.
"So how went it?" Aela asked.
"She turned us down." Loria frowned. "She was there to pick up her armor from the smith. She took it and said she had business elsewhere. I suspect it has something to do with that book she left the manor with."
"Did you get a look at it?"
"Of course!" the Light Elf exclaimed. "It was nothing interesting though. Just some ancient sketches of an old Arvern city."
"What would a sellsword want with something like that?" Ranazu said.
"What indeed my friend?" Loria said. "We are each and every one of us a story. I am afraid we shall be hearing no more of that particular tale. Unless she changes her mind. I did tell her where to find us of course."
"Did you even get her name?" Vesia asked.
"Phereinon," Loria shrugged, "at least for whatever that is worth."
"What do you mean?" the old Teodon Hyunsu scratched his headspines in confusion.
"Pherein Phonon is old Rasen." Vesia was the first to answer. "It means 'To Bring Death'. It's a myth."
"Some say she killed the Dark Elves." Ranazu whispered. Aela was not sure if the young farmer actually believed in the tales. But he must have heard the same stories as Vesia.
"Which Dark Elves?" Daehyun asked.
"All of them," Aela answered. "They say she's the reason we have a word for genocide. Every race has a stories about someone called Phereinon. She's the White Death, the Grave Walker, the Scale-Breaker, Elf-Bane, the Gray Wanderer, the Blight..."
At the mention of the Scale-Breaker, the two Teodon shot each other dark glances. They must have heard tales as well.
"Just children's stories," Loria scoffed. "Whoever she really is, this woman clearly has a sense of humor."
Aela looked down at the blood that stained the pavement. No one was laughing.
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Posts in this topic
SubRosa Seven Reimagined May 6 2018, 03:26 AM SubRosa Seven 2.0
Chapter 1.1
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For the most part the ... May 8 2018, 12:08 AM Renee
Infodump?? What info dump?
I didn't notice t... May 8 2018, 02:01 PM SubRosa
Infodump?? What info dump?
For the most part the... May 9 2018, 10:06 PM SubRosa Chapter 1.2
Aela finally allowed her ward to drop... May 12 2018, 03:21 PM Acadian Another fascinating episode! I simply love h... May 12 2018, 11:38 PM haute ecole rider Skjoldbreki! Finally someone explains how we m... May 14 2018, 02:53 PM Zalphon I would like to start by saying I appreciate the s... May 17 2018, 10:25 AM SubRosa Acadian & haute ecole rider: My goal here is t... May 19 2018, 04:04 PM Zalphon The thing I notice initially is a lot of telling i... May 20 2018, 08:47 AM Acadian This was a wonderfully engrossing episode with lot... May 20 2018, 04:43 PM haute ecole rider I have to agree with everything Acadian said - he ... May 21 2018, 03:35 PM SubRosa Zalphon: I do like the idea of using dialogue to c... May 26 2018, 05:52 PM haute ecole rider Well.
This section sounds very Korean to me. ;P
... May 26 2018, 11:22 PM Acadian Exotically fascinating!
Lots of world buil... May 26 2018, 11:27 PM SubRosa haute ecole rider: I am so grateful for you turnin... Jun 2 2018, 05:15 PM haute ecole rider oooh, both magic and swordplay! Pretty tense f... Jun 6 2018, 04:25 PM ghastley This all had me wondering about how a conjured wea... Jun 6 2018, 05:15 PM Acadian Quite the sword fight! Loved your description... Jun 7 2018, 05:53 PM SubRosa haute ecole rider: Daeso was partly inspired by Ki... Jun 9 2018, 04:58 PM Acadian ”The scales of men will quake at the sound of yo... Jun 10 2018, 07:51 PM SubRosa Acadian: I wanted to show some of Dark-Eye's c... Jun 16 2018, 03:49 PM Acadian Another wonderful episode chock full of goodness a... Jun 17 2018, 04:21 PM SubRosa Acadian: The last segment was another good opportu... Jun 23 2018, 05:02 PM Acadian A wonderful introduction of the villagers seeking ... Jun 23 2018, 11:28 PM SubRosa Acadian: Hopefully they will be magnificent!
... Jun 30 2018, 04:36 PM Acadian Nice to see you unleash the full slender of your d... Jun 30 2018, 08:47 PM haute ecole rider YASSSS! Pursephone! I made the connection ... Jul 3 2018, 03:44 PM SubRosa Acadian: I was originally going to simply describe... Jul 7 2018, 08:50 PM Acadian Very much a pleasure to read as you weave this tal... Jul 8 2018, 09:38 PM SubRosa Acadian: I wanted to show that with an item as rar... Jul 14 2018, 04:09 PM Acadian Aesensing – Yes, I thought perhaps you had inten... Jul 14 2018, 09:27 PM haute ecole rider I continue to draw inferences between your fiction... Jul 18 2018, 08:02 PM SubRosa Acadian: We are finally getting to the start of th... Jul 21 2018, 09:02 PM Acadian By Julianos’ Little Teapot! :O
With the M... Jul 22 2018, 07:33 PM Acadian Cool spell to hear things not intended for Aela’... Jul 29 2018, 07:32 PM SubRosa Acadian: While Aela is far from being a superhero,... Aug 4 2018, 04:09 PM Acadian Your descriptions are wonderful throughout! Y... Aug 5 2018, 08:51 PM haute ecole rider AAAnd Dee Foxy makes his appearance!! :wub... Aug 6 2018, 01:50 PM SubRosa Acadian: I spent a lot of time working on Waranari... Aug 11 2018, 05:00 PM Acadian Wow! White Hair, Kitsune and now Goldenlocks ... Aug 11 2018, 06:04 PM SubRosa Acadian: I am liking how the Seven Magnificos are ... Aug 18 2018, 04:54 PM Acadian Woot! Number Five is Alive! Another wond... Aug 18 2018, 07:52 PM haute ecole rider Oooh, who is that Venca? Where have I seen HIM bef... Aug 20 2018, 02:05 PM SubRosa Acadian: Venca is indeed our Seven Magnificos... Aug 25 2018, 03:45 PM Renee A relaxing morning scene, other than some hair-fig... Aug 29 2018, 03:32 PM Acadian A wonderfully girly morning and pause in the actio... Aug 25 2018, 07:57 PM Uleni Athram 5.2 - 5.3
Delicious, delicious combat. The techn... Aug 30 2018, 12:50 AM SubRosa Acadian: I really like those old Roman beds, with ... Sep 1 2018, 03:17 PM Acadian Using White Hair’s need for Aela’s spirit-calm... Sep 1 2018, 07:44 PM haute ecole rider Oooooh, this is getting even better than I have co... Sep 1 2018, 09:16 PM SubRosa Acadian: I was pleased with how I was able to dove... Sep 8 2018, 04:36 PM Acadian Nice character development here that begins with A... Sep 8 2018, 07:38 PM SubRosa Acadian: As I have been going back through the sto... Sep 15 2018, 04:39 PM haute ecole rider Aww, an adorable chick episode! Complete with ... Sep 16 2018, 06:19 PM Acadian Rider is right – a delightfully girlish episode.... Sep 16 2018, 07:10 PM SubRosa haute ecole rider: I had two women talking to one ... Sep 22 2018, 03:26 PM haute ecole rider Sigh. I am hearing Tumindil's voice once again... Sep 22 2018, 11:19 PM Acadian More and more, I’m realizing that much of Aela... Sep 23 2018, 08:01 PM SubRosa haute ecole rider: That does indeed remind me of T... Sep 29 2018, 03:59 PM Acadian Aela’s delightful romp with the water undines wa... Sep 29 2018, 08:00 PM haute ecole rider I really liked that whole confrontation/conversati... Sep 30 2018, 05:16 PM Renee , I've fallen behind... [i]way behind. Hard fo... Oct 3 2018, 03:37 PM SubRosa Acadian: Every time Aela tries to get some quality... Oct 6 2018, 04:16 PM Acadian A wonderful and easy to follow instruction period ... Oct 6 2018, 08:04 PM SubRosa Acadian: One of the things that really annoys me a... Oct 13 2018, 04:05 PM Renee The magic tutorial had me fascinated, that was awe... Oct 14 2018, 06:42 PM Acadian A neat interlude from the Seven’s water journey.... Oct 18 2018, 09:20 PM SubRosa Renee: The Shadowrun and Earthdawn rpgs were excel... Oct 20 2018, 04:17 PM Renee
Check out Scott Cunningham's book Wicca: A G... Oct 29 2018, 03:14 PM Acadian A fascinating look at this river ferry that blends... Oct 21 2018, 07:46 PM SubRosa Acadian: I was originally going to use horses on t... Oct 27 2018, 05:07 PM Renee
But she has no body odor. She does not sweat. Sh... Nov 12 2018, 06:06 PM Acadian A richly detailed study of life along the river. ... Oct 28 2018, 07:39 PM SubRosa Acadian: I could have just said "they sailed ... Nov 3 2018, 04:30 PM Acadian What a wonderful episode as Aela addresses the man... Nov 4 2018, 08:28 PM SubRosa Acadian: I wanted Aela's sex change to be more... Nov 10 2018, 03:31 PM Acadian Nicely done!
You painted a nice feel for li... Nov 10 2018, 07:37 PM SubRosa Acadian: I think I learned the part about the bird... Nov 17 2018, 05:15 PM Acadian A rather ominous transition through bandits, necro... Nov 17 2018, 09:42 PM SubRosa Acadian: Now that the river journey is complete, w... Nov 24 2018, 07:06 PM Acadian Wow, the situation the villagers face is grim but ... Nov 24 2018, 08:42 PM Renee
Wow, the situation the villagers face is grim but... Dec 11 2018, 03:52 PM SubRosa Acadian: I put a lot more work into the background... Dec 1 2018, 05:26 PM Acadian No surprise that Alcheon is beginning to show his ... Dec 1 2018, 09:22 PM SubRosa Acadian: All I need is Aela twisting her sunglasse... Dec 8 2018, 07:45 PM Acadian A great deal of wonderfully rich world-building go... Dec 9 2018, 12:57 AM SubRosa Acadian: I definitely worked hard at showing vs. t... Dec 15 2018, 05:11 PM Acadian An instructive display of sword fighting, when the... Dec 15 2018, 06:17 PM SubRosa Acadian: Things have really slowed down in the sto... Dec 22 2018, 06:19 PM Acadian You really bring the jungle-forest surrounding Agr... Dec 22 2018, 08:58 PM SubRosa Acadian: I expanded on the size of the village thi... Dec 29 2018, 06:23 PM Acadian What a delightful episode as we finally arrive in ... Dec 29 2018, 09:50 PM haute ecole rider I continue to enjoy this reinterpretation of the S... Dec 31 2018, 05:13 AM
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