Buffy the Bowgirl, Book 1, Thread 4, Do You Know the Way to Kvatch? Options

[Ceidwad]

A most enjoyable episode! Buffy and Alawen's perfect scores reminded me of watching darts on television, and the way the crowd gets excited whenever someone throws four or five 180s as they may have a chance of throwing a nine-dart leg.

As a small criticism, maybe you would consider re-writing parts of this chapter to work a bit more on the building the atmosphere of the crowd? This is just my opinion, but I see it this way: The fans have had eight or so years of watching Daenlin clean up relatively uncontested. Now, all of a sudden, not one, but two, challengers have emerged, and both of them score a perfect ninety, which has not been seen for three years. This calls, IMHO, for some serious milking of the atmosphere. For instance, during Alawen's flight, the crowd have seen seven perfect arrows before you really bring them into the fray. Why not build it up more? You could maybe touch on the possibility of a secon perfect round at about arrow three or four, perhaps have the crowd hush knowingly at this point and Buffy commenting about how rare and unusual it would be, and how rapturous the celebrations would be, how Daenlin would be so proud and how Buffy feels about Alawen (because, despite their good friendship, I cannot believe Buffy does not fiercely want to win!)

Also, maybe work a bit more on the crowd's reaction. Have some fans comment on how amazing a feat it is. Maybe Regulus Terentius has had one too many Surilie's and offers the castle of Bravil to Alawen if he shoots the second perfect round of the day! IMHO, this is a good episode but might actually be better served broken up into two episodes, so you can really work the crowd.

Some ideas that I thought of:

"By the Nine!", cried one Bravil native from the stands, "this year's tournament is outstanding! I could die a happy servant of Mara if only she would grant me the favour of living long enough to see its conclusion."

"Tertius," another enthused, "I simply can't believe it. Daenlin's protege has come on in leaps and bounds. And this new sharpshooter....well, she is simply superb! Anyone of them would make a fine champion. Akatosh be praised!"

etc.

Anyway, please feel free to ignore this, or maybe implement the ideas in Buffy v.3!

This post has been edited by Ceidwad: May 27 2011, 05:28 PM

[King Coin]

As I eyed my long range target, I didn't count up points or care about the score. I was shooting because I was born and trained to it.

Buffy is in the zone!

I could see my guild mates in their finery as they waved at me. There was Alawen, nodding at me with an encouraging smile.

Look who is returning the favor!


10 10 10! Daenlin is so proud of you!

"You are always a wet mess. At least it is not urine and the green slime of a wraith this time."

I really liked that line.
With the way I'm going I should just quote the whole chapter and say: “I liked this part”

He was happy and he was proud of me; that was everything I had wanted, after all.

Heart warming

I'm glad Alawen won! I've been rooting for her! And Buffy could have matched her score too if she hadn't missed intentionally. This is a great chapter. I really enjoyed reading it.

[SubRosa]

Okay, Buffy. Remember what Daenlin said and forget about the tournament. Just drill the dead center of your own target.

I did exactly that for the first flight.
This was expertly written. By making the second paragraph just a single, direct line, you accomplish so much here. This is one of those cases where an economy of words results in a more powerful statement.

After a moment of confusion, I realized they were chanting in hopes of a perfect round.
Oh noes, now they are going to jinx her chances! But Buffy pulls it out in spite of the crowd trying to curse her!

The falconeer was a good touch. There is one who comes to our local Ren Faires, and his birds are just amazing to watch. Teresa snapped a pic of him eating lunch!

And a thrilling conclusion to the finals, with Buffy and Alawen shooting their hearts out (and the centers of the targets!) The people of Bravil really got a treat. It is not every day you see an arrow split in two by another!

Perhaps best of all, we see the happy ending that Buffy thought so impossible just an episode ago. Her master is proud of her, and Alawen is still her friend. All with finally just doing what came natural to her, instead of letting her head get in the way!



nits:
"I have been asked me to remind you that the pending final session of competition is not the end of the tournament
I think you meant: "It has...

This post has been edited by SubRosa: May 28 2011, 02:00 AM

[Thomas Kaira]

Allow me to offer up my humble congratulations to Alawen for a well-deserved victory in the Tournament of Archers, and also a humble congratulations to Buffy for being able let her competitive thoughts go so well. Good job to her splitting her arrow, as well. That's almost impossible to do.

Seeing her putting aside whatever her interests might have been and simply shooting her best and giving her best was a great moment to read.

Good job in the tournament Buffy! You were only robbed of first place by one point, and you are leaving with a highly respectable two-sixty-seven today. No one ever need know you pulled one of your points, but at the same time, knowing you did means that I am certain you would have tied Alawen for first if you had not. Nevertheless, I'm not one to cry over spilled hair conditioner, and you've already learned your lesson, so I shall say no more on the subject.

Congratulations again!

[bobg]

Magnificent!

[Captain Hammer]

I wonder, had Buffy not pulled that one shot, would we have seen a shoot-off between the ranger and the scout? One shot each at one of Count Terentius's eyes, another shot each for one of Countess Caro's eyes, and then we can go from there.

It was an amazing conclusion to the tournament. I hope that in years to come Buffy does achieve victory and add her own name to the champion's plaque after Alawen's and Daenlin's multiple entries.

My congratulations to Alawen's stunning performance. And a heartfelt hope to see her return next year.

Now, how did that red-haired Bosmer archress do in the finals?

[Grits]

As I eyed my long range target, I didn't count up points or care about the score. I was shooting because I was born and trained to it. What little breeze there was came from directly behind me, and the sun was nearly overhead. I was a sniper, and long range was my forte. This target did not detect my presence and I had all the time in the world to take out its heart. I nocked an arrow and drew its destination into sharp focus.

This passage made my heart sing for Buffy. All of her years of training, hard-earned experience, and recent personal growth led to the beauty and simplicity of this moment.

The competition was gripping! I loved to see the supportive gestures between Alawen, Buffy, and Daenlin. Alawen’s touch of humor as she headed to the firing line showed us how much Buffy’s support has meant to her. The lunch and entertainment were such a delight!

He was happy and he was proud of me; that was everything I had wanted, after all.

Her name might not be on the trophy, but this sounds like a win for Buffy.

[mALX]

This has to be my absolute top favorite chapter to date! Your expert weaving of emotion and action in this chapter is unsurpassed, I am left speechless! Bravo, Acadian !!!

[bobg]

I wonder if anyone who has overcome obstacles ever thought about the process itself. It is an expansion of self; an epiphany; a recognition of the infinite universe and our ultimate role within it.

Buffy now moves on to new adventures but does she really understand what has taken place here? It's clear that she does. Her support for Alewan is without conditions. That, in itself speaks volumes about her grasp of the meaning of life. She will kill for the sustenance required to live. She will seek to understand the greater purpose and appose the evil that destroys all living things; all hope, all kindness, all beauty, all purpose, all culture, all aspirations, all advancement, all glory, and, in the end, creation itself.

This post has been edited by bobg: May 29 2011, 04:03 AM

[MyCat]

Wow you write so much while I'm distracted elsewhere!

"The only way you can disappoint me is by not shooting your very best." sums it up for me the best. You bring so much life to otherwise peripheral characters.

(I have to stop playing Fallout New Vegas and get back to the Elder Scrolls.)

[Acadian]

Episode 111 saw Alawen earn top score in this year's Tournament of Archers. Daenlin gracefully took the results in perfect stride and, thanks to his teachings, so did Buffy. It turns out that the old paladin's prediction about their reactions was correct: 'If any one of you wins, it will be with grace and humility. The other two will rejoice in congratulations.'

Rihanae- Thank you! I'm so glad everything worked and you could feel the crowd cheering.

Rider- Thanks for that strong endorsement of our outcome. I believe we could have engineered things for any one of the top three contenders to win. I am glad Alawen won though. Not only does she deserve it, but what she brought to the tournament caused a great deal of growth for Buffy.

ghastley- I thank you also for endorsing Alawen's win. Buffy needs confidence to proceed to Kvatch. What she learned from her time in Peryite's realm about hunting Daedra helped greatly. The lesson she will take from the tournament is Daenlin's advice for her to unfurl her wings and not be held back by his shadow. Buffy realizes now what Daenlin has known for some time: that she is a Nirn-class archer.

Ceidwad- I thank you so much for those kind suggestions about taking some space to personalize and milk the crowd. Alas, we are concerned about the length of this already massive storyline. Further, we rather carefully crafted the episodes in a way that supports SubRosa bringing her rendition of the tale to post in a coordinated manner - lots of moving parts that included our episode counts and posting schedules. I also felt during the actual shooting of the finals, that these episodes needed to really focus on the drama within Buffy's heart. That translated to her intimate observations relating to the shooting of her, Daenlin and Alawen while hopefully providing an adequate 'feel' for the atmosphere of the day. The one departure we did make was that short break for the 'half time' festivities, but then right back to Buffy's drama. My intent was to be very much inside her head during the finals.

Were I to expand the episodes, I would certainly have added Buffy's observations on how the other seven finalists were shooting, more dialogue from Daenlin and, as you suggest, some more personalization of the crowd and festive feel. Thanks again!

King Coin- I'm so glad you were rooting for Alawen and that she won! I agree that she is fully deserving. Once she realized that Daenlin was ok with it, Buffy was very happy for Alawen.

SubRosa- I appreciate the 'economy of words' endorsement on that one passage of Buffy's shooting. The chatterbox is delighted to hear it as well! Seriously, I'm glad it worked because I was a little concerned about running overlong on the shooting. I'm glad the falconry worked to provide a brief 'half time' respite from the big event. To call the conclusion thrilling is so welcome to hear. My hope was that the winner would not be fully evident until well into this past episode. Thanks for the nit so I could fix it.

TK- Thank you! I agree that Alawen is a deserving champion. The icing on the cake is how very much Buffy learned about things that really matter. Her heart already knew, but Daenlin helped her get her blond head a little more synched up.

bobg- Thank you for understanding Buffy. She is a strong nurturer to those she holds dear. I think that explains her quickness to vengeance, willingness to subordinate her own interests, and strong loyalties.

Captain Hammer- Hee! A tie would have been fun indeed! I'm so glad you suggested using the Count as a target, since he comes close to that in our next episode. I also appreciate the inquiry regarding how the talented Teresa finished- the answer also coming right up in the first of two episodes that cover the evening awards ceremony. I'm sure Teresa will share the details of her her own exciting day in her rendition of the tournament - I bet that, like Buffy, she learned important things about more than shooting and winning.

Grits- High praise indeed coming one who has such a perfectly balanced touch at subtly and brilliantly conveying her characters. I'm so glad you agree how very much Buffy won here.

mALX- Thank you so much! This was exactly as you say - about trying to display what Buffy was feeling as the tourney progressed. Your wonderful words let me know that we were close to the mark!

MyCat- The episodes do add up! Coincidently, we are slowing our posting pace for several reasons - certainly one of which is to make it easier for readers to keep up. Thanks for the kind words on Buffy's efforts to bring her NPC friends to life.

* * *

112 The Tournament of Archers, Part 28- A New Champion

"Our fifth place shooter, Teresa of the Faint Smile, Bravil Fighters Guild." The senior judge's deep voice was amplified by a magical speaking trumpet. His words resounded effortlessly through the night air into the crowded reviewing stands. Teresa touched one hand to the crimson and white Fighters Guild medallion around her neck. She then lifted an arm to the sound of applause. It was the same gesture used by her guild mates, Lum and Parwen, as their names had been called.

Schlera had been the first finalist to be announced, and had simply waved to the crowd. Zerina had loosed a fireball into the night sky when the judge called her name - much to the delight of those filling the stands. When Aradroth's name rang out, he simply stood motionless under his black hood.

All ten of us were gathered on a raised wooden platform in the middle of the shooting field, along with the three senior judges. Before the ceremony, we had each received a silken purse weighted with gold to reflect the relative position of our scores. Flames danced from giant torches that were each taller than an Altmer. These fiery brands were planted in a circle around the awards platform and mounted across the highest rows of the reviewing stands. They even flanked the scoreboard, bathing it in the flicker of their orange light. Also on the platform was a throne for Count Bravil, into which was poured the blue velvet-clad noble himself. Flanking the Count was Captain Viera Lerus and Court Mage Fathis Aren.

"Finishing in fourth place," continued the judge, "Riveus, Imperial Legion, Forester for County Bravil." The handsome Imperial flashed his sparkling teeth and, with great fanfare, saluted the crowd.

Daenlin was standing next to me and I noticed his eyes drift up to the scoreboard. It now reflected Alawen's name at the top, along with her incredible winning score. Firelight sparkled in my master's eyes and danced across his weathered features. I studied his face closely, looking for any sign of disappointment. All I saw was the simple joy of his passion for archery. This magnificent elf truly lived by his word and teachings, and I had never been prouder to be his apprentice.

"Gentle humans, mer and tailed folk," the crowd grew quiet at the judge's words, "the winner of this year's bronze arrow is a legend among archers. It gives me great honor to announce Daenlin, seven time champion from the City of Mara." The crowd exploded into cheers and applause as Daenlin waved. He then left my side to stand in front of Count Bravil.

Sinia, the Reguard who had served as judge on the firing line during the match, passed an arrow of bronze to the Count. Regulus Terentius remained slouched in his throne as he took the arrow. After looking at it with a frown, he held it out rather unceremoniously to Daenlin. "You lost my trophy, elf." The Count's voice was somewhat slurred and did not carry beyond the reviewing platform.

As Daenlin took the arrow, he said, "Forgive this humble archer, Milord. Perhaps his Lordship can win the trophy back with his own matchless tournament prowess next year."

Captain Lerus and Fathis Aren both stiffened at my master's words, but the Count responded with a nod, apparently assuming a compliment. Perhaps a day of drinking during the competition had rendered him unable to grasp Daenlin's intent.

Daenlin stepped back gracefully as angry magic tried to make its way to my clenched right fist. I noticed a faint smile that briefly appeared on Teresa's face as she rolled her emerald eyes at the Count. She was right; His Pompousness wasn't worth it. I allowed the illusion spell to subside.

I also saw a brief glare directed toward the Count from the senior judge before he quickly raised his speaking trumpet again. "The winner of this year's silver arrow is another child of Bravil. Dame Buffy, Knight Errant, Mages Guild, and protégée of Daenlin."

The crowd began to applaud, and a flash of light from the reviewing stands caught my eye. Instantly I realized what it was. Under the glow of an illumination spell, the assembled mages of my guild were standing and cheering. I approached the blue-clad noble.

"So, Marius Caro made the tiny tree elf a knight." The Count's words evaporated the smile caused by my guild mates. "I couldn't believe it when Alessia told me. What's Cyrodiil coming to?" Frowning, he rolled his bloodshot eyes and poked the silver arrow my way. "No wonder that fool has such problems down in Leyawiin."

"Thank you, Milord," I said as I took the arrow. I then backed away to rejoin Daenlin.

The judge gave me a sympathetic look as he again lifted the speaking trumpet. "And now, the moment we've all been waiting for. It gives me great pleasure to present this year's winner of the golden arrow. Hailing all the way from the Abecean coast, I give you Alawen, Ranger of Anvil and your new Champion Archer of Cyrodiil."

The crowd erupted with cheers that eventually settled into a chant of the ranger's name.

Alawen humbly raised an arm to the crowd. Her eyes then met mine, and the nervous look on her face yielded to a smile. I blew her a kiss.

I was delighted to see Daenlin grinning and enthusiastically applauding the ranger. I was a lucky elf. My master was satisfied with the tourney results and he was proud of me. The beautifully shy ranger, who called me friend, was now recognized for her skill which exceeded both mine and Daenlin's.

As Alawen approached the throne, I overheard the Count growl to Captain Lerus, "Yet another tree hugger? Why, for Oblivion's sake, does the Legion pay that worthless Riveus to patrol County Bravil if he can't even win an archery tournament for me?" The Count seemed somewhat more sober now, perhaps as a result of his pique.

The guard captain placed a hand gently on the Count's shoulder and admonished, with a bit more familiarity than I might have expected, "The Bosmer are well known for their skill with a bow, Milord."

"That little arrow seller was bad enough, Viera, but at least for seven years he kept my trophy here." The Count continued ranting, "Now the damn thing will go to Millona's court for the next year. I'll never hear the end of it." Finally, he took the golden arrow from Sinia, pushed it at Alawen and snapped, "Here!"

Alawen was clearly taken aback, as the smile I had managed to coax from her faded. Her only exposure to nobles had been the kindly Countess Millona Umbranox. I grew concerned as I realized the ranger was not worldly enough to have learned the necessity of sometimes suffering fools. She took the arrow in her right hand and slowly rotated the golden shaft until its broadhead was pointed at the Count. My heart leaped to my throat as a slight twitch in her left hand told me she might go for her bow. She was certainly fast enough to nock the Count's golden arrow and impale the drunken s'wit to his throne before anyone could stop her.

I started to panic; Alawen could never survive captivity in prison. I was almost ready to cry out when she lowered the arrow and simply backed away. Breathing a sigh of relief, I whispered, "Thank you, Mara." I then felt a bit foolish as I remembered that Alawen was in the service of Countess Millona to uphold the law - not break it. Despite her woodsy ways and unfamiliarity with civilization, the ranger was wiser in many ways than I.

The Count nodded for the ceremony to continue. Fathis Aren waved his hand, cascading the awards platform with a shower of harmless sparks that drew a hushed anticipation from the crowd.

Caccian Apinia had been quietly standing his post next to a small table on the awards platform. In response to a nod from Captain Lerus, he lifted the blue silken cloth that had covered the tournament trophy. Fathis then cast another spell which bathed the prize in brilliant light. The golden statue of an archer, with fully drawn bowstring, was half my height and stood upon a base engraved with the name of every past champion. Bittersweet tears threatened as I saw Alawen's name had now joined the repeated listing of Daenlin's.

The judge continued, "This trophy, which has resided in Castle Bravil for these past many years, has been emblazoned with the name of your new Champion Archer. It will soon sail for Castle Anvil, under escort provided by the Bravil Fighters Guild."

Sinia stepped down from the awards platform and headed toward the firing line. As prearranged, Daenlin, I and Alawen followed the Redguard.

The amplified words of the senior judge floated throughout the tourney grounds, "As is the custom at this point in the tournament, our top three archers have each agreed to provide a brief display for your entertainment. Please direct your attention toward the firing area."

I glanced over my shoulder and was relieved to see Count Bravil being escorted back to his raised private box of nobles, where he could do less harm.

[ghastley]

You do make Count Regulus Terentius such a sympathetic figure in this one - so much the Bravil patriot! He really steals the show. But then again, stealing is what he does best.

[haute ecole rider]

I agree with ghastley - Count Terentius is such an epitome of nobility that he outshines all the other nobles of Cyrodiil. I am glad that Daenlin acknowledged it, and that Buffy and Alawen were awed by him.

Riiiigt.

[King Coin]

I remember killing that fool (The Count of Bravil) in several of my games.

Everyone but Buffy knew from the start that Daenlin would be happy no matter what happened in the tournament as long as everyone tried their best. He wouldn't be so petty as to be upset over not getting a trophy.

I felt Buffy's worry there for a second. We wouldn't want Alawen to go to jail!

Escort by the Fighter's guild? I bet this is going to be in Teresa's story!

I'm looking forward to the entertainment display!

Good chapter!

This post has been edited by King Coin: May 31 2011, 04:23 PM

[mALX]

And now we see why Alexander killed off Count Terentius in his fanfic Cyrodiil, ROFL !!!! Great chapter, I was rolling laughing at the Count's ramblings! Great Write !!!

[ghastley]

I just had the thought that Daenlin has had to accept the trophy from the Count for the last seven years. If he's been as gracious every other time, you have to admire Daenlin's forbearance.

I never bother killing Regulus. One assumes that Gellius would replace him, even though the game doesn't implement that.

[Zalphon]

Congratulations, Dame Buffy

[Grits]

How lovely to open with Teresa! Seeing each of them through the other’s eyes has been such a delight throughout the Tournament. I love how the orange torchlight sets the mood. The mages using their spells for illumination was a wonderful touch!

Oh my goodness, Count Pompousness Terentius outdoes himself! If dark thoughts counted, Lucien would be busy handing out daggers all night. I’m looking forward to the archery show.

[hazmick]

Greetings Paladin! I have spent a wonderful afternoon catching up on Buffy's brilliant Bosmer adventure and I am most pleased to see that she is still as sharp as a tack yet delicate and deadly as a nightshade plant. The archery contest has had me on the edge of my seat and you have done a great job introducing more characters into your charming Wood Elf's world. Bravo!

[Ceidwad]

Man, I love Regulus Terentius. Say what you want about Cyrodiil's nobility, but at least they're interesting. Alawen's reaction was most sensible too - if you can't think of anything safe to say, don't say anything! Besides, if Terentius drew his sword and swung it at Alawen, he'd probably only miss and end up hitting Buffy next to her!