Some particular criticisms:
QUOTE(0rimus @ May 28 2008, 07:59 PM)
- Why did Nathaniel wait until the very end to show his true colors when he had far better moments for it before, like in the minotaur attack?
I decided to do this story in limited third person naration, and it seems I took the "limited" part too seriously. I didn't want the reader to know things that Sturm himself didn't know, or be more aware than he was. In retrospect I should've done it from first person, but I'm not fond of that form of writing, and I'm not very good at it (I always end up subconsiously switching back to third
If it's unclear enough that the reader doesn't realize that Sturm himself doesn't know something (especially if the reader has already become aware of whatever that something is), then you need to either obscure the fact more (so that it's a surprise to the reader, too) or go more into detail with the character's journey to self-realization (so that the reader understands that it's a surprise to the character, too).
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- Early in the story it's mentioned Sturm doesn't want to join factions, and then the thing with the Dark Brotherhood is mentioned.
Sturm just didn't want to be tied to one
class, like warrior or thief. This is the affiliation he hopes to avoid, and he'll stop his travel to join any group (such as with the infiltration group) if they pay well enough
This may be my single greatest pet peeve in fantasy fiction. In real life, there are no such things as "classes". You can have someone identify himself as an archer or swordsman by what weapon he prefers, or have someone repulsed by the idea of being labeled a thief due to his innate sense of right and wrong, and in Tamriel, like many other worlds, "mage" is a full-time profession, too, but storytelling focus on character "class" archetypes is wince-worthy in fic.
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- Why did they travel around from city to city after Cheydinhall and not pick up any new recruits until Bruma? Gives me the impression the travel was just to fill some time.
Time constraint. I planned on having the travel more detailed (including Fred being abducted by goblins, and Sturm leading the rescue, thereby earning his respect). Also, I wanted the travel to be more realistic (I increased the size of Cyrodiil drastically) and again with the (severely) limited third person thing: Sturm travels alot, and since I made Cyrodiil bigger, there was less interference along the way (I also made animals more docile). I kinda thought of it like when survivorman travels: A occasional shot of a bird or the sky, but otherwise nothing unless he runs into an animal. Kinda like a time lapse, or going in fast-forward. Also, some of the cities Erin and Stan already tried, and they acctually did stop to recruit like Chorrol, but were unsuccessful.
If time constraints didn't permit you to pursue a plot thread, you should have cut them out. The story would probably have had much more cohesive pacing without these rather obvious loose ends.
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- What's the story with the daughter of Ocato and how she got at Rajah's place?
For the third time: I didn't want people to know about things Sturm himself didn't (so the surprise would be, you know, a surprise). And to answer: She was somewhat willingly abducted, Ocato doesn't pay much attention to her.
Right, but if readers are still wondering
after they've finished reading, you didn't do a good enough job explaining it. There's a difference between keeping limited third person believable and simply not fleshing out characters' backgrounds.
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- Why the burning or even theft of the Elder Scroll?
As a display of being more powerful/capable than the Empire, and to piss them off, kinda like a Martyr, if the legion storms down there and kills the Heretics (deluded citizens of the IL, but citizens none the less) people wouldn't be too happy about it, and the Empire would lose even more support. They also wanted to bring the legion down there, for home-field advantage, hence the infiltrators mapping and gathering of info.
Not to speak for Alex here, but I think the question (mine, anyway) was more pointed at the relative sanctity of the Scrolls themselves in TES lore. As a fanfiction author, it's often a little... hm, what's the right word? Presumptuous? to step on an area of lore that the official writers clearly consider sacred.
More to the point, it's off-putting to the fans, some of whom were your judges. Something to consider for next time.
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So when everyone else kept bringing my grammar errors into the fray (really annoying) they could get that by just looking back a few posts; without ever reading my story. I am an extreme internet skeptic: If you give me no proof, I can only logically assume that you're lying. Anyone can look back and see that I spelt Daedra wrong the five or six times I used it. So when people keep bringing up a pretty moot point, without addressing any of the more important and obvious points (like Alex's post shows) it shows either that A.) They didn't read my stroy. Or B.) They care more about grammar than a good story or any other part of the story, so if I'd gone through and and wrote:
"I will not spell Daedra wrong." a few thousand times, people would have liked it better than what I submitted.
Okay, I've been quiet on this so far. However, enough is enough:
Mechanical errors (spelling, capitalization, punctuation, and grammar) are the single worst part about reading fanfiction. Seriously, you don't even have to be good at English anymore to have a flawless paper. How hard is it to use a spell-checker? Find+Replace "Deadra" with "Daedra", Microsoft Word has searched the document and made 17 replacements, bada-bing-bada-boom. At the absolute
least, beg/cajole/pay someone with a better grasp of grammar to proofread it for you. Refusing to do this is like telling your judge,
"[censored] you, I don't care enough about my work to bother cleaning it up for you. Alex and the other judges were magnanimous enough to discount spelling and grammar errors completely (probably more for the sake of our international friends than people who just can't be arsed), but I guarantee you: it has an impact on what people think of your writing, and of you. It's like showing up to a job interview wearing ripped jeans or a stained shirt - it turns people off immediately, and causes the reader to make an instantaneous (negative) personal judgment call.
Just to make sure this hits home: You think people bringing up your mechanical errors is "really annoying"? I've been writing and critiquing fanfiction in various fandoms for almost ten years, now, and (internationals aside) I haven't found one yet where "This sucks, I'm five paragraphs in and the author has already made five spelling errors, I'm not going to read this" is considered an inappropriate response. I've seen fanfics - good fanfics, with great plots and believable characters - straight-up disqualified from competitions due to sloppy mechanical problems.
Count your lucky stars that the judges were kind enough to bother, and maybe consider an apology and/or a thank-you to those who actually did trudge through the whole thing, errors and all, and who were kind enough to point out your biggest problem so that you could correct it.
The sooner you get off this "it's JUST SPELLING, people, gooosh" cloud of misguided martyrdom, the better for you, and the better for us all.
I do hope (against all reason and evidence) that you'll take these firm words and learn from them, rather than just turn around and complain in your next post. Someone just stood up and told you straight about what you're doing wrong - be thankful; it may be the biggest favor anyone gives you for a long time.