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mALX
QUOTE(Colonel Mustard @ Oct 13 2013, 01:38 PM) *

I had what I thought was good equipment for hunting, but apparently a flamethrower and an anti-aircraft cannon aren't 'appropriate equipment for grouse shooting'. Someone offered to lend me a double-barrelled shotgun for it and I was like 'do I look like a weakling? No, no I do not. I will take weapons appropriate for a real man, I will kill way, way more grouse.'

And I did. And then had to run away from the army because they wanted their stuff back.




That is how you can kill and cook the grouse at the same time.



Callidus Thorn
QUOTE(mALX @ Oct 13 2013, 06:44 PM) *

QUOTE(Colonel Mustard @ Oct 13 2013, 01:38 PM) *

I had what I thought was good equipment for hunting, but apparently a flamethrower and an anti-aircraft cannon aren't 'appropriate equipment for grouse shooting'. Someone offered to lend me a double-barrelled shotgun for it and I was like 'do I look like a weakling? No, no I do not. I will take weapons appropriate for a real man, I will kill way, way more grouse.'

And I did. And then had to run away from the army because they wanted their stuff back.




That is how you can kill and cook the grouse at the same time.


Just make sure you don't hit it with any bullets first, or you'll have to waste valuable eating time digging them out.

Reminds me of Fallout 3: Inspiration perhaps?
Black Hand
I have somewhat returned after a few days of work....

...and it would appear I have a high-ranking condiment, a LOTR fan, and a squirrel to repay past kindnesses for.

A three-front war?

Sucks to be them.

The die is cast and the rules are murkily clear.

Choose your avatar.

Choose your henchmen/army.

Use your words.

The victor is never clear, but if you make folks laugh, we all win.

My choices for the above are clear in the photo/link below as well as my message.

IPB Image

P.S. "I didn't ask for open war! I won't have this!"

Too bad!

Open War is upon ye, whether ye would have it or not!
mALX
QUOTE(Black Hand @ Oct 13 2013, 02:10 PM) *

I have somewhat returned after a few days of work....

...and it would appear I have a high-ranking condiment, a LOTR fan, and a squirrel to repay past kindnesses for.

A three-front war?

Sucks to be them.

The die is cast and the rules are murkily clear.

Choose your avatar.

Choose your henchmen/army.

Use your words.

The victor is never clear, but if you make folks laugh, we all win.

My choices for the above are clear in the photo/link below as well as my message.

IPB Image

P.S. "I didn't ask for open war! I won't have this!"

Too bad!

Open War is upon ye, whether ye would have it or not!




IPB Image


"Uh oh, he's back and threatening war! To arms, comrades! I'll send him a threatening letter back."



Oh ye open war with words
Teeth that gnash like weapons
But squirrels prefer to fight with turds
Projectiles that rain down upon
...you.


*mALX strains to grunt out turds to throw at Blackie*


"URRRRRRRGH!"


IPB Image


POP!


"GAAAAAAH! Hung Chow!"


IPB Image




Emergency Notice!

To whom it may concern,

mALX will be unable to attend war, she is gone on a repairing trip to Skyrim.


m.




IPB Image



"Aaah, that cold snow hits the spot..."




*





Black Hand
QUOTE(mALX @ Oct 13 2013, 11:34 AM) *

Oh ye open war with words
Teeth that gnash like weapons
But squirrels prefer to fight with turds
Projectiles that rain down upon
...you.


*mALX strains to grunt out turds to throw at Blackie*


"URRRRRRRGH!"

Emergency Notice!

To whom it may concern,

mALX will be unable to attend war, she is gone on a repairing trip to Skyrim.



Black Hand reads reply and intelligence report of dislocated bowels.


IPB Image


*BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!*

Great Army of The Black Hand!

The enemy wounds themselves merely with news of their impending doom. The very same brick they threatened to fling at us, is the same brick that dropped when faced with their certain annihilation at the hands of the greatest fighting force ever assembled!

We shall soon test the mettle of Mustard and Rohirrim's Rohan Riders!

Until such time, let us laugh derisively at our furry friends capitulation!

AH-hahahahahhaahahhaha! Laugh with me!

*Group Laughter*

Okay, that's good.

*Sudden silence*

Black Hand pours a drink from the casualites of the Squirrel Front.


IPB Image
mALX
*mALX entertains Blackie's army with a song, spontaneously sterilizing everyone within two miles of her voice*


IPB Image


"Good, they can't reproduce now!"




Callidus Thorn
*Wanders into thread*

Wow, this seems to be escalating.

*Wanders out of thread*

*Returns with peacekeeping force of Jedi and Pokemon Trainers*

What? I'm a geek.

*Shrugs*
Black Hand
QUOTE(mALX @ Oct 13 2013, 11:55 AM) *

*mALX entertains Blackie's army with a song, spontaneously sterilizing everyone within two miles of her voice*

"Good, they can't reproduce now!"



IPB Image

The Archer's pelt the area of mALX' music with deadly arrows.

IPB Image


QUOTE(Callidus Thorn @ Oct 13 2013, 12:01 PM) *

*Returns with peacekeeping force of Jedi and Pokemon Trainers*


.....call in ....the Specialist.

IPB Image

"What is thy bidding, my Master?"

Show Thorn the fate of all those who mess with us!

"It shall be done."
mALX
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Colonel Mustard
*Calls up an old friend*

IPB Image

Let's rock, Bruce
Black Hand
QUOTE(Colonel Mustard @ Oct 13 2013, 12:11 PM) *

*Calls up an old friend*

Let's rock, Bruce


IPB Image

Black Hand receives report from the Mustard Front.

"At last! A worthy opponent!"

IPB Image

"Hang on....I got this."

What?! Who are you...what is your name?!

"....."

Man with no name huh? Fine...you can have the first round.
Callidus Thorn
*Surveys the continuing escalation, turns to Mace Windu*

Call in the fleet. And get Obi Wan up here, it looks like someone's invoking the prequels.

*Sky darkens as Star Destroyers move into position*

And prep the landers. We may need to evac in a hurry.
Kiln
QUOTE(mirocu @ Oct 13 2013, 03:34 PM) *

QUOTE(King Of Beasts @ Oct 13 2013, 05:20 PM) *

What's up? smile.gif


Tomorrow I´m gonna freeze my butt off in the woods while waiting for a moose to come by right where my rifle happens to be pointing at. Doesn´t have to be a moose, though. It can be a fox too. Or a wild boar. Or a deer. Or a Polish mushroom picker hehe.gif

May be a kind of random question but what type of rifle do you use to hunt?

I've always kind of enjoyed hunting myself but haven't been in years. I now mainly shoot animals with a camera when I wander across them. It is a true test of patience and skill to stalk and take game.
mALX

IPB Image





*mALX calls in her troops from training*




IPB Image



IPB Image



IPB Image



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Black Hand
Man with No Name takes to the Mustard Front.

IPB Image

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHCyaJS4Cbs

"You scream like a girl,
and got moves like Jagger.
But, I'll rip through your ass faster
than a Pu-Pu platter.
You're in the gym to much Ringo
Perfecting kicks.
You should spend more time matching your
voice up to your lips.
Those little dances you do don't threaten me, Bruce!
Screw you, Dude!
I even squint better than you!

IPB Image

Darth Maul intercepts Thorn Peacekeeping Operations.

IPB Image

*Sung to tune of Spiderman theme song."

"Sneak attack, sneak attack,
does whatever a sneak attack does,
catches fools unprepared,
should have brought,
that change of underwear!

Look Out!
Oh that's right, you can't!
Cause here comes the SNEAAAK ATTTAAAACCCK!!"
mALX


*mALX hacks into Blackie's laptop and orders his troops to take a break, then orders her own troops to advance on a different frequency*


IPB Image


Callidus Thorn
*Senses disturbance in the Force, gives the order to fire*

*Pinpoint orbital bombardment vaporizes Darth Maul*

Really? A sneak attack againt Jedi?

And somebody find out who gave those bloody squirrels lightsabers!
Black Hand
QUOTE(mALX @ Oct 13 2013, 12:39 PM) *

*mALX hacks into Blackie's laptop and orders his troops to take a break, then orders her own troops to advance on a different frequency*


Has ELITE™ Firewall, detects hacking attempt, sets up dummy BattleNet, then switches orders around onto her own troops.


QUOTE(Callidus Thorn @ Oct 13 2013, 12:40 PM) *

*Senses disturbance in the Force, gives the order to fire*

*Pinpoint orbital bombardment vaporizes Darth Maul*

Really? A sneak attack againt Jedi?

And somebody find out who gave those bloody squirrels lightsabers!


IPB Image

*Survives*

"Man, I have got to stop singing my arrival during a sneak attack so loudly! Now then! Who's the Star-Wars-Equivalent insulting term of a wanker who blew up my Hoverbike?! I had three payments left! And Greedo doesn't take Republican Credits!!"

"And do you know how little being a Sith pays?! That's like...the whole method of turning your apprentice to the dark side! Through bitter resentment of a paycheck that clearly does not demonstrate your true worth and value!
Rohirrim
Back from the Con. I haven't sat down in two hours. So fun, man.
Black Hand
QUOTE(Rohirrim @ Oct 13 2013, 12:54 PM) *

Back from the Con. I haven't sat down in two hours. So fun, man.



IPB Image

Good.

We've been waiting for you, Rider.

Prepare to meet the concept of nothingness. Not the Indian version called 'Mu' or the Zen concept of emptiness.

No, this would be a much more pragmatic approach....

Archers....on my mark.
Callidus Thorn
Trainers! Bring out your dragon types!

*Dragons materialise everywhere*

Jedi, mount up!

*Now has army of Jedi riding dragons*
Rohirrim
Waitwaitwaitimonaphooooone! Nooooooo! ohmy.gif Just you wait until I rejoin the PC master race, Blackie! mad.gif
King Of Beasts
-sits to watch oncoming war-
Black Hand
QUOTE(Rohirrim @ Oct 13 2013, 01:00 PM) *

Waitwaitwaitimonaphooooone! Nooooooo! ohmy.gif Just you wait until I rejoin the PC master race, Blackie! mad.gif


Very well.

We shall win through Honor and Skill. The Rohirrim front shall be delayed until he can muster his forces.

I shall defeat my enemies at their best to prove the glory of The Grand Army of The Black Hand!

QUOTE(Callidus Thorn @ Oct 13 2013, 12:57 PM) *

Trainers! Bring out your dragon types!

*Dragons materialise everywhere*

Jedi, mount up!

*Now has army of Jedi riding dragons*



As such!

IPB Image

You Girls wanna dance?!

That's all you got?!

Lemme show you why you *should* use 'Forbidden Techniques!


*Showers Thorns Forces with Force Storm Area Effect*


mALX
QUOTE(Rohirrim @ Oct 13 2013, 03:54 PM) *

Back from the Con. I haven't sat down in two hours. So fun, man.



Pictures! Did you see Squirrel Woman?




@ Back to the war:



IPB Image





QUOTE(Callidus Thorn @ Oct 13 2013, 03:40 PM) *


And somebody find out who gave those bloody squirrels lightsabers!




IPB Image





QUOTE(King Of Beasts @ Oct 13 2013, 04:02 PM) *

-sits to watch oncoming war-




IPB Image




IPB Image
Colonel Mustard
*Does something*
Elisabeth Hollow
QUOTE(Colonel Mustard @ Oct 13 2013, 03:56 PM) *

*Does something*

-is bewildered by action-

-appropriate response-
mALX
QUOTE(Colonel Mustard @ Oct 13 2013, 04:56 PM) *

*Does something*



*mALX gasps and covers eyes briefly. Runs away shrieking Sends Pokemon card in*



IPB Image




Colonel Mustard
QUOTE(mALX @ Oct 13 2013, 10:01 PM) *

QUOTE(Colonel Mustard @ Oct 13 2013, 04:56 PM) *

*Does something*



*mALX gasps and covers eyes briefly. Runs away shrieking Sends Pokemon card in*



IPB Image

*Swallows the coin*
Callidus Thorn
QUOTE(Black Hand @ Oct 13 2013, 09:03 PM) *

QUOTE(Callidus Thorn @ Oct 13 2013, 12:57 PM) *

Trainers! Bring out your dragon types!

*Dragons materialise everywhere*

Jedi, mount up!

*Now has army of Jedi riding dragons*



As such!

IPB Image

You Girls wanna dance?!

That's all you got?!

Lemme show you why you *should* use 'Forbidden Techniques!


*Showers Thorns Forces with Force Storm Area Effect*


*Jedi forces meditate on the Jedi code*

There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos , there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force.


*Force Storm is snuffed out by force powered waves of harmonious serenity. Darth Maul retreats from the field with severe migraine.*

*Signals fleet*

*Showers Black Hand's Forces with massive orbital bombardment*

*In response to Black Hand's continued aggression, sends emissary to mALX to discuss a potential alliance*
Colonel Mustard
QUOTE(Callidus Thorn @ Oct 13 2013, 10:49 PM) *

QUOTE(Black Hand @ Oct 13 2013, 09:03 PM) *

QUOTE(Callidus Thorn @ Oct 13 2013, 12:57 PM) *

Trainers! Bring out your dragon types!

*Dragons materialise everywhere*

Jedi, mount up!

*Now has army of Jedi riding dragons*



As such!

IPB Image

You Girls wanna dance?!

That's all you got?!

Lemme show you why you *should* use 'Forbidden Techniques!


*Showers Thorns Forces with Force Storm Area Effect*


*Jedi forces meditate on the Jedi code*

There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos , there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force.


*Force Storm is snuffed out by force powered waves of harmonious serenity. Darth Maul retreats from the field with severe migraine.*

*Signals fleet*

*Showers Black Hand's Forces with massive orbital bombardment*

*In response to Black Hand's continued aggression, sends emissary to mALX to discuss a potential alliance*

*Sneaks up on emissary and slices their throat before negotiations can begin. Makes necklace out of emissary's ears and runs away giggling*
Rohirrim
ComicCon stole all my chi...so tired.


Note: still on phone.
Elisabeth Hollow
-holds up a picture of boobs as a distraction-

-gets distracted by own picture-
Callidus Thorn
QUOTE(Colonel Mustard @ Oct 13 2013, 10:53 PM) *

*Sneaks up on emissary and slices their throat before negotiations can begin. Makes necklace out of emissary's ears and runs away giggling*


*Sighs*

Some people

*Shakes head*

Honestly...

QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Oct 13 2013, 11:06 PM) *

-holds up a picture of boobs as a distraction-

-gets distracted by own picture-


*Waves hand mystically*

This isn't the distraction you're looking for

*Swipes picture and wanders off*
Elisabeth Hollow
QUOTE(Callidus Thorn @ Oct 13 2013, 05:19 PM) *

QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Oct 13 2013, 11:06 PM) *

-holds up a picture of boobs as a distraction-

-gets distracted by own picture-


*Waves hand mystically*

This isn't the distraction you're looking for

*Swipes picture and wanders off*

MINE! DON'T GET BETWEEN ME AND BOOBS! -tackles Thorn-
mALX
QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Oct 13 2013, 06:06 PM) *

-holds up a picture of boobs as a distraction-

-gets distracted by own picture-




*mALX sees two pink mounds and forgets why she came to war. Stands staring stunned*


IPB Image





Callidus Thorn
QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Oct 13 2013, 11:24 PM) *

QUOTE(Callidus Thorn @ Oct 13 2013, 05:19 PM) *

QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Oct 13 2013, 11:06 PM) *

-holds up a picture of boobs as a distraction-

-gets distracted by own picture-


*Waves hand mystically*

This isn't the distraction you're looking for

*Swipes picture and wanders off*

MINE! DON'T GET BETWEEN ME AND BOOBS! -tackles Thorn-


*misses*

tongue.gif
Elisabeth Hollow
-extends fangs and bites Thorns shoulder-

Think again!
Rohirrim
QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Oct 13 2013, 06:06 PM) *

-holds up a picture of boobs as a distraction-

-gets distracted by own picture-

You...I...I'm too tired to do anything...well, maybe except (hguk!)...nope, not even. kvright.gif So...back on PC so...

-The Armies of Men form a defensive circle-

IPB Image
Callidus Thorn
QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Oct 13 2013, 11:41 PM) *

-extends fangs and bites Thorns shoulder-

Think again!


I think not

*Becomes insubstantial, fades from sight*

*Liz slowly becomes aware that she's subject to a Jedi mind trick, and that Thorn is long gone*
Elisabeth Hollow
This is why I don't participate in these anymore. Nobody lets me win lol.
mALX
QUOTE(Rohirrim @ Oct 13 2013, 06:43 PM) *

QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Oct 13 2013, 06:06 PM) *

-holds up a picture of boobs as a distraction-

-gets distracted by own picture-

You...I...I'm too tired to do anything...well, maybe except (hguk!)...nope, not even. kvright.gif So...back on PC so...

-The Armies of Men form a defensive circle-

IPB Image



Hey, King Coin was doing this over the summer! Awesome!


Black Hand
QUOTE(Colonel Mustard @ Oct 13 2013, 01:56 PM) *

*Does something*


Holds back, camera pans in on an impressed and wary close-up expression.

Ahhhhhh.


QUOTE(Callidus Thorn @ Oct 13 2013, 02:49 PM) *

*Jedi forces meditate on the Jedi code*

There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos , there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force.


*Recovers*

"Sorry Girls, but your Flower Power in no match for my GLOWER POWER!!"

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*The Jedi crap themselves and would need a change of underwear if they either wore or believed in those things.*

Now hear the true code!
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.


The Jedi convert, and Darth Maul gained many followers that day. They then feasted upon the Orangutans, the Leprechauns, and the Breakfast Cereals, and the Pokemon, and the Pokemon Trainers. All were fed and enemies were fled and dead.

QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Oct 13 2013, 03:06 PM) *

-holds up a picture of boobs as a distraction-

-gets distracted by own picture-


Foolish Girl! You should know that your looks are no match for the years of seclusion and loneliness of internet forumites!

Besides, once you cut your hair, that spell was broken.

QUOTE
*mALX sees two pink mounds and forgets why she came to war. Stands staring stunned*


The Grand Army of The Black Hand moves in on the Squirrel Front. Annihilation was the only way, the only driving force.

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QUOTE(Rohirrim @ Oct 13 2013, 03:43 PM) *
You...I...I'm too tired to do anything...well, maybe except (hguk!)...nope, not even. kvright.gif So...back on PC so...
-The Armies of Men form a defensive circle-


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"What is this? Bring a knife to a gunfight and stab them while they are laughing?!"

"Archers! Put them out of my minimum amount of very slight annoyance!"

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Rohirrim
-Rohirrim wisely removes his gaudy plumed helmet-

"Form testudo!"

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Callidus Thorn
QUOTE(Elisabeth Hollow @ Oct 13 2013, 11:46 PM) *

This is why I don't participate in these anymore. Nobody lets me win lol.


In my defense I did use the internationally recognised setup for the Jedi mind trick, with the mystical hand wave and whatnot.

That said I think I'll stroll out at this point. There comes a time when it just stops being funny, and becomes ridiculous.
Black Hand
QUOTE(Rohirrim @ Oct 13 2013, 04:02 PM) *

-Rohirrim wisely removes his gaudy plumed helmet-

"Form testudo!"



Laughs derisively.

"One Word. Cataphract.....ummm...two words: Cataphracts attack!"

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mALX
QUOTE(Black Hand @ Oct 13 2013, 06:49 PM) *

QUOTE
*mALX sees two pink mounds and forgets why she came to war. Stands staring stunned*


The Grand Army of The Black Hand moves in on the Squirrel Front. Annihilation was the only way, the only driving force.

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*mALX is taken prisoner, still staring bug-eyed with stupid smile on her face*



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Rohirrim
-Rohirrim puts his plumed helmet back on, as the cataphracts sink into the boggy marshland surrounding the AOM lines-

"Thou hast been Agincourt'd, Persians!"
Black Hand
QUOTE(mALX @ Oct 13 2013, 04:12 PM) *

*mALX is taken prisoner, still staring bug-eyed with stupid smile on her face*


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"Now, my ancient adversary. The Totem War shall finally end, with I, the Totem of Sky and Feather, ruling over you the Totem of Woods and Clever Woodland Creatures...."

"...are you even listening?....Helloooooo?!"

"This isn't even worth it! It's like that parable where the monk makes the warrior run in fear by meditating! If I don't get to see the fear in her eyes....GAAAAAHHH! Fine! You win!.....AGAIN!!"

QUOTE(Rohirrim @ Oct 13 2013, 04:18 PM) *

-Rohirrim puts his plumed helmet back on, as the cataphracts sink into the boggy marshland surrounding the AOM lines-

"Thou hast been Agincourt'd, Persians!"



"We're not Persians! We're Han Chinese! Uh...command? A little help here?!"

"I SAID THEY WIN! CONSIDER IT THE ENDING TO MULAN!!"

*Sees Rohirrim's approaching forces*

"..........help..........."
mALX
QUOTE(Rohirrim @ Oct 13 2013, 07:02 PM) *

-Rohirrim wisely removes his gaudy plumed helmet-

"Form testudo!"



*mALX nods sagely* "Form Tostada!"


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QUOTE(Black Hand @ Oct 13 2013, 07:19 PM) *

QUOTE(mALX @ Oct 13 2013, 04:12 PM) *

*mALX is taken prisoner, still staring bug-eyed with stupid smile on her face*


"Now, my ancient adversary. The Totem War shall finally end, with I, the Totem of Sky and Feather, ruling over you the Totem of Woods and Clever Woodland Creatures...."

"...are you even listening?....Helloooooo?!"

"This isn't even worth it! It's like that parable where the monk makes the warrior run in fear by meditating! If I don't get to see the fear in her eyes....GAAAAAHHH! Fine! You win!.....AGAIN!!"




BWAAHAA !!!! *mALX does victory dance, stretches out to enjoy her win*



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